What's Hetalia?
by Wolf-Goddess
Summary: Inspired by the Hetalia Unit Manuals by LoliDictator. What happens when you come back home to find that there are strange 'units' in your home? Looks like Ian is about to find out.


WG: Hey everyone. While working to revise my other stories, I've decided to write another based off the Hetalia Unit Manuals that have popped up all over the site.

Cathrine: As usual, she owns nothing. Not the manuals, and not Hetalia; just her made up characters for the story.

WG: That does count as a Disclaimer, right?

Cathrine: *shrugs shoulders* It should.

WG: Oh well, on with the fic.

* * *

It was normal as he expected as he returned home from a year long conference with his fellow business partners, as he opened the modest doors of the English-styled mansion he was assaulted by the sound of someone wailing. He thought only of the only other occupant of the mansion his step-sister Carmen, but he could not figure out why she would be wailing in such a manner. He ran up the stairs to find the source not his sister, but some frail looking brown haired boy crying while his sister was yelling at him. She was about to backhand him when he decided to step in by grabbing her arm.

"Carmen Minerva Battelle (forgive my language), what the fuck do you think you are doing?!", she stared at me in a stunned silence, with only the small whimpers of the boy to break the silence, as he affixed her with a cold glare. She stumbled and stuttered before coming up with an intelligent reply.

"Brother, when did you get in?"

"Just now, but I am not surprised that it took you less than a year to claim this house for your own.", He spat at her in pure hatred.

"She doesn't own this place?", a voice called from the direction of the fallen boy.

He turned to reply but was stopped because he noticed that another boy similar to the first was kneeling beside the first and appeared very angry toward my sister. He guessed he had every right she was probably punishing his brother. He regained himself before responding.

"No she does not. I own this property as head of this household."

"But you left it in my care while you were away on business."

"Yes, however that does not give you the right to assault the guests-"

"Oh, he's not a guest."

"Nor does it give you the right to commission people to stay here.", He glared at her, daring her to say anything against him. He released her arm to pinch the bridge of my nose before sighing, "Go to your room and pack your bags. You are staying with one of your friends for the night and maybe I will let you in, in the morning."

She huffed before stomping away bleach blond hair furiously swaying behind her. The whimpering boy and his brother both stared at me in awe before the first spoke.

_"Saluti. Il mio nome è Feliciano. Grazie per avermi salvato dalla ragzza spaventoso." _(Hello. My name is Feliciano. Thank you for saving me from the scary lady.)

"You idiot, he probably doesn't-"

"_Il tuo alquanto gradito, lei può essere una diva. Si prega di chiamere me Ian."_ (Your very welcome, she can be quite a diva. Please call me Ian.), He replied shocking both of the brothers.

"You speak Italian?", the first asked as he got over his shock.

"I speak many languages fluently for my job.", the pleasant atmosphere was broken just then by the sound of something smashing into a wall. "Do you have anywhere to stay?"

"Well, that's the thing, she ordered us off of a website."

"I have so many questions from that sentence, but I guess the most important ones are. Who is 'us' and what do you mean by 'she ordered us of a website'?", He rubbed his forehead in aspiration.

" Us is hard to explain….because there are a lot of us." Feliciano sighed.

"And, she ordered us of a website, is basically what I meant. There is a website where she ordered everyone.", his brother added.

"Show me everyone."

The brothers nodded to each other and lead Ian downstairs into the unused basement space. In that area Ian saw many different people looking at him as two men stepped forward. One was muscular with blond hair and blue eyes, the other was slimmer with brown hair and green eyes.

"Feliciano, is everything alright?", the blond spoke up warily glancing at Ian.

"Vee~, everything's alright now Doitsu. This guy kicked the scary lady out for the night."

"What?!" was the cry echoed throughout the room as everyone stared at Ian in wonder.

"I guess my step-sister decided to take on a few liberties while I was gone. No matter, my name is Ianos Marvano Revolantos the third but please call me Ian.", he stared out into the crowd. They looked to be of different nationalities as he saw Asians, Africans, Europeans, North Americans, South Americans, and even Oceanic peoples. "I am the one who owns this property and if you wish to live here I have only three rules you must follow. Rule 1- if you take an object out, put it back up; Rule 2- Meals are at 6:00, 12:00, and 6:00 for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, if you don't make it then you may get leftovers from that meal after it is done; and Rule 3- if you have some household skill, like cooking and cleaning, please set up shifts to use your skills for the household. Are there any problems?"

"Not a problem but will we get actual rooms, aru?", a small Asian asked from the near left of the side from where Ian was standing.

"You don't have actual rooms?"

"No, this is our room.", another person answered from the side of the first person.

"Unbelievable….", he turned back to the stairs leading back upstairs, "CARMEN!", he yelled and everyone jumped and some even whimpered and scuttled back from Ian.

A stumbling noise was heard and a few seconds later Carmen's bleach blond head was seen as she leaned over the banister and peered down, "Yes, brother?"

"What exactly is going on?!"

"What do you mean?"

"Letting people live down here when there are perfectly good rooms upstairs. That's what I mean!"

"I was having a party at the time and didn't think to move them upstairs."

"You didn't think?! That's your main problem you wretched harpy! I want you out of this house, off this property, and if I catch so much as a hair on this or any of my properties I will have you locked up in jail!", Ian fumed as he ran up the stairs, grabbed his sister's arm, opened the door and then threw her out.

He stood at the door for a few moments after he had closed and locked it. He took a deep breath and headed back to the basement, but found the people that were down there to be slowly migrating up to the main floor. "Well, it's obvious to what must happen now. All of you that are strong and I mean extremely strong follow me, the others follow behind them." He headed up the stairs and down the winding hallways to stop in front of one room. "This is my room. But for all the other rooms check them and if they're locked then break the doors down. I want the girls to go into Carmen's room when you find it and salvage anything you think can be used, all else will be thrown out. Once the rooms are open, then we will decide on living arrangements." He nodded and the units set off to start checking and removing doors.

He sighed and opened his own door and stepped inside. Once inside he finally relaxed and loosened his tie, throwing everything onto the mini-table set up in the living area of his room. The room was divided into three rooms; a small office space, a living area, and a sleeping area. He knew that his butler was probably fired by Carmen during his absence, so he went to his mini-fridge and grabbed a chilled tea for now. Kicking off his shoes, he relaxed on his couch and sipped his chilled tea. He could vaguely hear the destruction of the doors as Carmen had locked them to keep the others out. He started to doze off when he heard a knock on his door. He got up and moved over to the door and opened it. "Yes?"

On the other side was a young woman with long brown hair wearing a pale green dress. "Excuse me, Mr. Ian, but we found a couple of things in Carmen's room that you might want to see." She handed him a giant binder filled with paper. "This contains all of the unit manuals that we came with…. You might want to read those, Mr. Ian."

Another woman with long brown hair stepped up, but this one was wearing a pink flowing dress. "This is Carmen's laptop; you might want to get any files that could help you with us or any other units that might arrive."

"Any other units?" He repeated, stunned that there might be more coming.

"Yes, Carmen was always rambling on about new units coming and always had a day of the week set up so that she would know when they got here."

"Thank you." He took the binder and laptop. "I'm sorry; I didn't get a chance to learn your names."

"I'm Elizaveta Hedervary." The first girl replied.

"I'm Mei-mei." The second chirped.

"Thank you, Ms. Elizaveta, Ms. Mei-mei." He set the items on his table and turned back to them. "If you find anything illegal, please save it and let me know. I must know what things my sister decided to do behind my back."

"Of course." Elizaveta smiled. "Oh, Roddy found your music room and is waiting for your permission to use the piano."

"That is not what I said!" Another voice joined in. A young man with dark brown hair and a dark purple outfit appeared and looked peeved at Elizaveta before turning to Ian. "I merely stated that the music room was found but with Ms. Carmen's parties I was worried about the piano's tuning."

Ian chuckled before nodded. "I don't mind if you wish to tune the piano, but which music room did you find? There are three….well, four counting mine." He looked into his room at a door on the far right. "The west wing has the Summer music room, the east wing has the Fall music room, the first floor has the Spring music room, and I have the Winter music room."

The young man balked and nearly fainted, "Th-three music rooms? Mein Gott, why do you have so many?"

Ian smiled before shrugging. "All of my siblings loved to play instruments, but couldn't play the same instrument at the same time. So, two other rooms were created and they divided into those three. The Winter room was created for me, because of my frail health when I was younger." He paused before adding. "What is your name? I never got to ask."

"I am Roderich Edelstein." The young man bowed. "I had better go check on the progress and tell the others about the two other music rooms." He turned to Elizaveta and Mei-mei. "You two need to go watch over the other girls, you know how they can get."

"Oh, you're right, Roddy. They can get quite forgetful of things." She turned back to Ian. "I'll be heading back. Excuse me."

Mei-mei nodded. "I'm going too. Excuse me."

The two girls walked away and Roderich just nodded to Ian before heading on his own way. Ian smiled before shutting his door and glancing at the binder and laptop, however there was one thing he had to do first. He went over to his phone and punched in a number he knew by heart. He hit the call button and waited until the call was picked up on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Yes, I am calling for a Mister Alanzio Jeffers please." He heard an inhale of breath on the line.

"One moment, please." He could hear a muffled, 'Uncle Zio!' in the background. A few moments later a gruff voice came over the phone. "This is Alanzio."

"It is good to hear you, my friend." Ian could practically feel the emotions on the other end of the line. "I would like to ask if you would come back to work for me."

"I have been waiting for this call. Would it be alright to arrive in the morning?" Jeffers paused before adding. "I would also be bringing my nephew with me."

"That will be fine, the more the merrier." Ian sighed with relief. "I'll expect you tomorrow then."

"Yes, young master. I will see you then."

"Good bye then, my friend." Ian waited and then hung up when he knew Jeffers had no other comments to make. He flopped down on his couch again in excitement, before pulling the binder and laptop toward him. The binder was a bit thick, but would be easy to look through. He turned to the laptop and opened it; it would take some time to get through Carmen's clogged system.

As expected, an hour and a half later he had finally gotten rid of 49 viruses that were slowing down the laptop and finally found the address where Carmen kept her unit arrival schedule. "Hmmm, one is going to come tomorrow…. It won't tell me which one though." He sighed and changed the address destination to his own address so that he wouldn't have to go through this again. He was getting quite uncomfortable with the items he has been finding in the laptop… Something called 'Creepypasta' and a bookmarked page titled 'Cupcakes'… He wasn't about to get into his sister's strange websites. He shut down the laptop and set it to the side.

It was nearly 6 now. He stood from the couch and traveled down to the kitchen, wondering of the units had decided on what to cook for supper. He found everyone looking into the kitchen in horror. "Excuse me, what's the matter?"

One of the closer units turned to him. This one had short blond hair and blue eyes behind a pair of glasses. "Umm, you might want to go away. Iggy's cooking."

"Pardon?" Ian just stood there in confusion.

"He means to say that Arthur is cooking….and Arthur's cooking is never really edible…" Another young man piped up, this one almost identical to the first one he had talked to but there were slight differences. "Oh, I'm Matthew Williams. This is my brother, Alfred F. Jones."

The other nodded, but continued to stare in the direction of the kitchen in horror. "I think I hear him humming…"

Ian sighed and pushed forward. "I can't be that bad." (oh how wrong you are…) He was starving after that disastrous airplane food and the four hour layover that made him miss breakfast. He looked into the kitchen to see a man with sandy blond hair watching the foods his was cooking. "Excuse me, would it be alright for me to get a plate?"

The man turned around in surprise. "Oh, I was wondering if anyone was going to come eat. Please, help yourself." He stepped away from the pot simmering on the stovetop. "You did say 6 o'clock for dinner; everyone seems to still be busy."

"I did say 6, yes." He grabbed a bowl after seeing that it was some sort of soup. He reached for the ladle and gave himself a small portion while feeling thousands of eyes on his back and several prayers going out for his poor soul. "Forgive me, I never asked for your name."

"Quite alright, I'm Arthur Kirkland." He beamed as someone was finally eating his food. "It's just a simple soup; I thought it would be good with all the work that's going on."

Ian nodded and got a spoon from the silverware drawer. He didn't bother with sitting down as he leaned against the counter and dipped his spoon into the soup. Bringing the spoon to his lips he thought he heard a gasp come from the doorway. "Hmmm, this is quite nice. I haven't had a soup like this since my visit to Great Britain last year." He continued to eat the soup. "Oh, I had a bit of news but since everyone is busy right now, I can tell you and you can tell the others. Tomorrow there will be two people and a unit arriving. I tried to find out which unit, but all it would tell me is that it was from the '2P' series…whatever that means."

"I see. I'll be sure to let the others know." Arthur nodded, still shocked that someone was eating and enjoying his food. "What do you do exactly?"

"I am a modeling contractor…or a modeling agent that deals with the more business side of modeling." Ian finished the soup and sighed as he was finally able to put something on his stomach. "Thank you for the food, I should retire for the night." He placed his bowl and spoon into the dishwasher and excused himself from the stunned Kirkland.

"R-right, good night."

As he moved through the doorway, he noticed that the others parted for him like he was some sort of otherworldly creature. He sighed and headed back to his room. Just as he closed the door, he felt a strange blur over his eyes and stumbled over to his king size bed. He didn't know what was going on but he just went out and didn't remember anything after that.

* * *

WG: Poor Ian.

Cathrine: Another one bites the dust.

WG: That's not nice.

Cathrine: *shrugs* Oh, read and review. Even if it's to say that this fic was a giant waste of time and you had something way better to do with your time.

WG: She means that constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated, but flames will be sent to Italy so that he can boil his water for pasta.

Cathrine: Later, people.

WG: Bais.


End file.
